Thursday, January 28, 2010


I’m on a journey,
Searching for who I am,
My perception of me is erroneous in parts,
Expectations I’ve set I shockingly find out I’m not meeting,
I thought I had it all figured out,
That the road was charted,
The GPS would get me there as planned,
My jaw keeps dropping as I surprise myself repeatedly,
There are things I must accept I can’t handle by myself,
Some, running away will solve,
Others I’m prepared to lose blood for,
My expectations are sky high,
Far away from what reality obtains,
I want life to be calculated,
But new turns, blocks are invented at a moments notice,
I fear that I might fail God and my loved ones,
That I may wake someday and be were I didn’t purchase a ticket to,
I’m the most optimistic,
Yet daily life enervates me,
I’m sad,
Then I’m happy,
Then I hit rock bottom with springs in my shoes,
Unable to attain consistency,
Craving permanent shelter amongst the stars,
Hating the downward drop,
I come to you only because you are my source,
You wrote the manual,
You keyed in the codes,
I need help,
I need You,
You are all that I’ve got,
The only one who won’t turn me back cos of my incessant flaws,
Let me sit on your laps,
Direct me to the me that delights You,
It important that I get it right,
Help me Father.


jhazmyn said...

Good thing you find comfort in the Father in the midst of it all, thats what counts, and best part is, you keep trudging on. We might not be who we want to be but we're definitely not who we were in the past

Rita said...

Now I remember why I missed your posts. And this post is like taking the words out of my heart...

Debbie said...

We don't have to get it right, he knows our frame, he remembers we are dust. He is plentious in mercy and full of love.
Just one day at a time in his presence daily seeking his guidance will lead you to your expected end.

David C Brown said...

You say well what I'm sure we all feel. What a Father we have!

Mwajim Al said...


Jaycee said...

Our lives are like Onions, in the sense that with every layer comes a surprise. But God has already written about you and I, in the volumes of His books.

The surprises are worth it! LOL.

Love reading u!

simeone said...

help me too lord...

Patrina said...

WOW! How anointed this is. I love your vulnerable heart language. God has gifted you with the ability to feel your need for Him, and then endowed you with the gift of writing what you feel. God is using you to speak to those who can't put words or meaning to their life. They can begin to find real substance on the pages of your notes to God. s

May God direct those vulnerable ones to your page, that they might feel God's ray of HOPE through your life.

Would it be OK, If I posted this incredibly beautiful heart rendering - on my page - that more hearts and eyes might be opened to the God created yearning in the deep valleys of our soul? I would of course give credit to you and link back to your page, of course.

Thank you for sharing your gift, in Jesus name.

Patrina <")>><

Tiera said...

missed ur posts...i'm praying for u

Telekinesys said...

@jhazmyn,true that.

@Rita,at your service maam.

@thank God for his continual grace and mercies.

@DCB,thank you sir.A great Father indeed.

@Mwajim, thank you.

@Jaycee, thanks.

@Simeone, he will.

@patrina, thank you for your kind words patrina.By all means share, permission granted.And amen o!

@Tiera, back fully, sorry about the hiatus. Need your prayers.How are you?

Myne Whitman said...

God always come through for us even at the darkest moments. Thanks for sharing this.


I enjoyed looking over your blog
Great Blog Title
God Bless You, Ron

prashant said...

this post is like taking the words out of my heart...
home based data entry

Anonymous said...

life would be easy
if i discovered
it is You i need to discover
that my discovery of You
is the discovery of me
the discovery that You made me
in Your image
and after your likeness
sometimes a little revelation
and i scope of thinking
i have discovered me
only to discover
you were not in the storm
wind or sunshine
but i had left
before i heard a whisper of you
and never would hear a whisper of me
now i thread back
journey to the wilderness again
ask me, what I'm doing here
so i would tell You
I am looking for me
but i can only find it in You

i have become as Adam
he stood before You
and you asked a most silly question
well i thought is was silly
Adam where are you
how can you ask such a question
when he stood right in front of You
but now i understand
adam had stepped out of You
disengaged, disconnected
he was dead, not alive
but I live, but strangely
alomost outside You
I barely know You
I thence no not me
so i journey towards me
to find me in You
help me to be as peter
men describe you with semblances
but he heard a whisper from
Your father
he uttered it
the next minute
you told him who he was
simon bajorna
you are peter
i wait to that day
when i will hear you call
call me by my earthly name
and tell me my heavenly name
but I guess in another
in another one dark night
across another brook
all alone
waiting and journeying
towards you
towards me


God bless you.